Finding Beauty in the Pain
by Cherilyn Schutze
MEd., LPC, CCATP, CGC, EMDR Trained, DNMS Trained
2-minute read
THE STRUGGLE IS PART OF OUR JOURNEY. WE HONOR THAT STRUGGLE BY LEARNING FROM IT AND FINDING MEANING IN IT.
Most of us naturally want to avoid pain and difficulty. We think how nice it would be if life were easy. Our nature seems to be to try to avoid disturbance and pain at all costs. But if we reframe that way of thinking and living, face our adversities with courage and curiosity, we can find hope and meaning in the struggle. How would we know the beauty of life if we didn’t know the pain as well?
Several years ago, I wrote an essay about the overwhelming heartache of losing my husband to cancer, and the beauty and lessons that came from the pain. While making meaning didn’t take the pain away – or even lessen it – it did make it more bearable. In the course of my life, I have endured many difficult, painful times. And through my journeys I came to understand that there is always a lesson to be learned in life’s challenges.
There can be beauty and healing in the pain.
I’ve always been a believer in the power of finding meaning and learning from hardship.
While it isn’t easy (It’s not meant to be), it can be its own reward. When we are able to recognize that there can be something good in the process and at the end of the journey, the road becomes easier to travel.
We will all face difficult times in our lives. It seems some of us face more challenges than others. While we can learn from other people’s experiences, we each have our own, individual path, with many forks in the road. We get to decide which road to take. We can decide to take the path that leads to despair; we can decide to take the path that leads to nowhere; or we can decide to take the path that leads to healing and growth.
THE STRUGGLE YOU’RE EXPERIENCING TODAY IS DEVELOPING THE STRENGTH YOU NEED TOMORROW.
How do we do that? We first have to acknowledge our fears about the road in front of us. We must be honest with ourselves in order to get out of our own way. Fear can be a big stumbling block towards learning, growing and healing.
Once we’ve acknowledged the fear, then it’s important to recognize our inner strength and resilience. We have all experienced difficulties that we have overcome. As my friend often says, “Because you did THAT, you can do THIS.” Overcoming obstacles, no matter how big or small, strengthens our resilience.
After acknowledging our inner strength, it’s helpful to reframe the situation. By reframing, we are thinking of it in a different way. We must recognize that even when we don’t have options for outcomes, we do have options for what we do with the outcome and how we internalize it. In order to reframe, it can be helpful to be curious. Ask yourself what you might learn from this situation and how it might help you now and in the future. Try to have curiosity without judgment.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation-we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Vicktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.
I encourage you to take the challenge, be curious without judgment and look for the lessons. The rewards can lead to a healthier, more meaningful life.
If you would like help reframing, finding meaning and healing, please reach out today. I would love to help you strengthen your resilience and grow in perseverance.
