Dealing with Holiday Stress
Cherilyn Schutze MEd., LPC
Reading time 3 minutes 14 seconds
We just wrapped up our blog series on Reminders for Perseverance. I think It’s fitting that the series ended just as the holiday season is approaching. To prepare for the stress that often accompanies this time of year, take a look back at our blog posts which expand on these tips, or even just look over the list itself. We all need a little reminder every now and then.
This time of year can be difficult for many people especially if you are dealing with mental illness, grieving the loss of a loved one, experiencing the anxiety of COVID and the possibility of gathering with many people for celebrations and family get togethers, or if you simply find this time of year lonely, overwhelming or stressful. It’s not uncommon for people to experience “holiday blues.” According to a study reported on studyfinds.org, 88% of people surveyed reported feeling that the holidays are the most stressful time of the year.* A study conducted by NAMI, revealed that “64% of people with mental illness report holidays make their conditions worse.”**
There are things we can do to mitigate the stress.
My friend, Daphne, likes to use the analogy, “I can make a dish, or I can come to the dinner, but I can’t do both.” This is a good way of reminding yourself to set and keep boundaries. Recognize your bandwidth and stay within it. When we push the envelope of our emotional and physical window of tolerance, we can experience overwhelm, exhaustion, depression, anxiety, irritability and an inability to cope. We can get so caught up with decorating our homes to look like something out of HGTV, by trying to find the perfect gifts, saying yes to every invitation, that we can lose ourselves and the spirit of what this time of year is supposed to be about. When we try so hard to make everything perfect, we miss out on what is here and now. “Don’t let the perfect drive out the good.” Sometimes good is good enough.
Try to avoid getting caught up in the holiday “madness”. Remember that self-care is key. I heard a quote recently that said, “Self care isn’t all about me. Self-care is about me too.”
What do you need during this season? Take some time to recognize what it is and do something to implement it. Maybe it’s taking an extra 15 minutes in your day for prayer and reflection, Maybe it’s starting a gratitude journal or saying no to something. It might even be something as simple (or luxurious) as sleeping in on a weekend. Whatever your self care looks like, give it to yourself so that you will have the bandwidth and space to give to others and so that you will be able to be fully present with family and friends. Maybe you will even have space to go to the party AND make the dish.
If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, try to do something special in remembrance. The possibilities are endless. You could light a candle and say a prayer, look through pictures, reminisce with family and friends, eat his/her favorite food, or watch their favorite movie. Do something that gives you comfort in your loss, that acknowledges the grief and also the love you have for that person.
My late husband’s birthday is 6 days before Christmas. He LOVED Blue bell Ice cream, Chili’s hamburgers, the Texas Longhorns and watermelon. My girls and I always try to do something that involves at least one of those things on his birthday. We also like to remember the silly games he made up, his passion for music, his intense loyalty and love of family. We so enjoy reminiscing and laughing, sharing our memories of him because it keeps him present in our lives and makes us feel close to him.
While we are remembering the past, we are staying present and engaged with each other.
I often remind my clients how important it is to stay in the day they’re in. This time of year can pull us backwards if we aren’t careful and mindful of it. Too often we are living in what happened in the past or what may happen in the future that we miss what is right here and now-what’s right in front of us! If we dwell on the negative things that happened last year or 20 years ago, or worry about the future with all the gift buying, party planning and fretting over possible family feuds, we give up the opportunity to find joy and peace in the now. At this time of year, perhaps more than any other, it is most important to be present with our loved ones, our friends and with ourselves.
Try to make this year, the year you give yourself the present of being present. Give yourself and your family the gift of peace, by paying attention to what your body and mind are telling you. Recognize what pushes your holiday buttons, so that you can get a handle on them before they lead to overwhelm or something bigger.
TAKE CONTROL OF THE HOLIDAYS
Don't let the holidays become something you dread. Instead, take steps to prevent the stress and depression that can descend during the holidays. Learn to recognize your holiday triggers, such as financial pressures or personal demands, so you can combat them before they lead to a meltdown. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you can find peace and joy during the holidays.
If you or someone you know is having difficulty with any of these issues, please reach out to us. We’d love to help you find your peace this holiday season and beyond.
** https://namica.org/blog/handling-stress-during-the-holiday-season/
