Be Flexible
Cherilyn Schutze MEd., LPC
Reading time 3 minutes 11 seconds
As we approach the end of our deep dive into perseverance it is fitting that one of our final and most important subjects is flexibility. Being flexible is about being able to ride the waves of change without being pulled completely under. It’s about acceptance of our circumstances even, and especially, if they are difficult.
“Just because we’re in a stressful situation doesn’t mean that we have to get stressed out. You may be in the storm. The key is, don’t let the storm get in you.”
There is a term we use in therapy called Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance means looking at our circumstances, acknowledging them, recognizing what is (and what isn’t) within our control, and not judging. Radical Acceptance is saying,
“I MAY NOT LIKE OR APPROVE OF THIS SITUATION, BUT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE IT. SO I WILL ACCEPT THAT IT IS WHAT IT IS, MOVE ON AND LET GO OF THE CONTROL– THAT I DON’T REALLY HAVE ANYWAY.”
Being flexible means being able to adapt, to accept and to recognize what is within our power to change, then move through it without judging ourselves, others, or even the circumstance surrounding it. Not judging is a very important component of flexibility. If you are constantly judging yourself, others, and/or your circumstances, how can you have space for flexibility? Again, it doesn’t mean being Pollyanna or not affirming your feelings about the situation. In fact, it is important to acknowledge how you feel about it. Being flexible is about facing whatever is difficult head on and allowing yourself to push through it.
The opposite of flexible thinking is rigid thinking. Rigid thinking is when we have difficulty looking at things in a different way. Some people call this black or white thinking—things are either this or that, there is nothing in the middle—black or white-no gray. To be flexible in our thinking, we have to be able to recognize the gray. To quote my brother, “Think AND not OR”. In other words, think, “I have this option, and this option and this option.” Instead of, “My options are either this OR that.”
FLEXIBLE THINKING ALSO INVOLVES RECOGNIZING YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS
Limiting beliefs are beliefs that we hold to be absolute about ourselves, our future, our world. When we do this we become inflexible and have difficulty recognizing that we have other options. Limiting beliefs can prevent us from growing and from moving forward with our lives.
Here is a little experiment I often do with my clients.
Close your left eye, make a circle with your right hand, as if you are holding a telescope. Next hold that “telescope” up to your right eye and notice what you see. Now, let go of the telescope and open both eyes. What do you see? Did you notice how little you could see with only one eye and a small circle to view through, as opposed to having both eyes open and seeing the entire room? This is what limiting beliefs do. It’s as if you are going through life with one eye shut and blinders on.
When we open both eyes, we are able to see the whole picture. We open ourselves up to flexibility and discover that we have more control than we realized. When we try to control a situation that is out of our control, being rigid in our thinking, we limit ourselves-which by its very nature takes away our power.
BEING FLEXIBLE CREATES SPACE FOR LESS ANXIETY, MORE CREATIVE THINKING, MORE CREATIVE PROBLEM SOLVING, AND MUCH LESS STRESS.
Try asking yourself these questions from therapistaid.com to examine your limiting beliefs:
What limiting belief do you want to work on?
When you talk yourself out of taking action, what do you tell yourself?
What evidence is there (or not there!) that makes this belief true?
How might it be informed by assumptions, external expectations, or stereotypes?
How does holding this limiting belief serve or benefit you?
How does this limiting belief impact your actions? Mindset?
What would you predict for yourself if you no longer held this belief?
Reverse your belief: ___________________________________________________________________
Example: I’ll probably just fail / I will probably succeed.
How does this new belief make you feel?
How true is this new belief? What evidence is there?
If you lived this empowering belief instead, what concrete actions would you take?
What other mantras can help you disrupt the limiting belief, and lean into your empowering belief?
Through radical acceptance, acknowledgement of black and white thinking, and the recognition of and willingness to change limiting beliefs- we create more flexibility in our thinking, which will lead to less stress, less anxiety, more peace and— RESILIENCE! When we are flexible, and understand that we hold the power to make changes to our thought habits, we are adding building blocks to resilience!
If you would like help creating a more flexible mindset, or to learn more about flexibility in thoughts and actions, reach out to us today. We’d love to help!!
