Build Your Team
by Cherilyn Schutze, MEd., LPC
4 minute read
A STRONG SUPPORT SYSTEM IS IMPERATIVE.
We all need a team of people who believe in us and are there to encourage, listen and support us.
When we think of a team, what often comes to mind is sports. Many, if not most people have a favorite team they like to root for, but what makes a team? A team can be defined as “a coordinated ensemble,” or “ to join forces”. For our purposes, we’ll define a team as social support—the people you turn to in times of stress and in times of joy. It’s the people who are rooting for you and have your back, who will “join forces” with you to hold you up in difficult times and cheer you on in good times. Your team works towards a common goal just like in sports, only winning in this context is about improving your mental and physical well-being, instead of putting points on a scoreboard.
Research shows that there is a link between social relationships and health and wellness. “Poor social support has been linked to depression and loneliness and has been shown to alter brain function and an increased risk of alcohol use, cardiovascular disease, depression, and suicide.”[1]
When we are struggling with mental health, physical health, or with a difficult life situation, it is so important to stay connected. Isolation only makes struggles more difficult. So when thinking about who is on your team, think about the people who give you the most support, who are there for you regardless, and who can help you navigate your difficult journey. This might include family members, close friends, clergy, a therapist, and even doctors.
Teammates can serve many different roles.
Some on your team may be good at providing emotional support, such as allowing you space to vent, to cry, to brainstorm solutions, or to just sit with you. Others on your team may be supportive by helping you take care of your physical needs such as bringing you meals, taking you to appointments, or mowing your lawn. While still others, such as therapists, doctors, and clergy can help you navigate your issues using their expertise in what you are dealing with. Whatever would be helpful to you in your circumstance, is what your team needs to do. But, your teammates can’t know what they don’t know, so it’s very important to figure out who is on your team, let them in and let them know how they can help. Sometimes we don’t know how to tell people what we need, or we are afraid of burdening them. The truth is, people want to help and likely consider it an honor. It’s a gift to others to let them help. Think about how you feel when you do something for someone else. Do you feel burdened, or do you feel good that you were able to make a difference no matter how big or small?
When I think about who is on my team, God and my faith come first. I couldn’t have dealt with the struggles I’ve encountered in my life without my faith to hold me up, guide me and comfort me. Another huge component of my team is my family and my friends. The support I have received from them cannot be measured. In addition, I have a team of doctors who have supported me through some serious health issues. I’m so thankful to have a group of people I can count on when I need them. An inevitable result of this kind of support is gratitude. I am so grateful for my team (You know who you are :) Gratitude is another component of healing.
In addition, there have been times when having a therapist on my team was crucial. We all need a place to open up freely, without fear of judgment or the emotional connections that can sometimes get in the way. That’s why it’s so important to have both. We need our emotional connections with family and friends, but when times are tough, it’s also very helpful to have an unbiased expert listener who does not have an emotional history with you, to help you navigate difficult roads and gain clarity.
It’s not the number of people on your team that counts.
It is also important to think about the people in your life who are not really on your team, even if they want/try to be. Just because someone is a family member or a “friend”, doesn’t necessarily mean they are your team mate. In sports, when a team member is not helping the team or isn’t playing by the rules, they are removed (or benched for a while). In order to keep your team strong, it may be necessary to remove or bench some people. This can be hard, but it is necessary to surround yourself with people you can count on. This will help strengthen your perseverance and boundary muscles.
A crucial thing to remember is, it’s not the number of people on your team that counts. It’s the quality. What makes a team work together well? Is it one sole person doing everything without the support of other members, or is the group as a whole coming together for a common goal, supporting each other, and being part of the process, each having a part to play to form a united, strong team? Think about how a sports team works. Each player has a role in the success of the team. Allow your players to help you succeed.
What does your team look like?
There is no right number of people or a specific type of person that “must” be on your team. Ask yourself, Who is rooting for you? Who do you turn to and when? For what? How? Why? How does it help? What do you need from them? Once you know who is part of your team, the next step is to reach out!
If you are struggling to figure out who is on your team, or want a therapist as part of your support system, send us an email, or give us a call. We’d be honored to help!
[1] https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/manage-social-support
