Anxiety: Truth or Lies?

by Cherilyn Schutze

MEd., LPC, CCATP, CGC, EMDR Trained, DNMS Trained

Have you ever found yourself getting stuck in thought loops, worrying that something terrible is going to happen? Or found yourself sitting in “what if” scenarios? Are you constantly thinking about the ills of the world or feeling stressed and fearful of uncertainties in your life? Do you sometimes find your heart racing, your mouth feeling dry, feel a knot in your stomach, muscle tension, irritability, fatigue? These can all be symptoms of anxiety. Anxiety is “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.”* and is often accompanied by rumination or thought loops, which are the brain’s effort to make sense of or control outcomes. Your brain cannot control outcomes through worry.

THE THING IS ANXIETY IS OFTEN A LIAR AND A BULLY.

Anxiety isn’t all bad, though. It serves a very good purpose at the right times. Anxiety is our body’s warning system to alert us to possible danger.  It can be a motivator to do something differently. It can come in very handy if you’re being chased by a bear, or being threatened in some way. However, anxiety doesn’t always get it right. When anxiety is working overtime, it can cause many different, uncomfortable symptoms such as those mentioned above, in addition to causing the very emotions and feelings we are trying to avoid by worrying.

Our brains are hardwired for the negative. Catherine Pittman, PhD (in her Rewiring the Anxious Brain) says, “We are descendants of the worried and scared people.” . Think about our ancestors, the people who lived in caves. They were always on the lookout, scanning for danger in order to survive. Therefore, the human brain became used to looking for danger. But it has become so sensitive, that it can often be wrong and over-react, especially in the world we live in today where we are inundated with bad news and scary scenarios.

Typically when we worry, the fear we experience is about avoiding potential feelings which may arise– and not the outcome itself. This is where the bully and liar come in. Anxiety often tells us that if we worry or think about something enough, we will be prepared for whatever that worst-case scenario is, or we will prevent a certain outcome altogether. How often have you worried about something and then if it did happen, you still felt all the feelings you were trying to avoid? In my own experience coping with my husband’s chronic illnesses, I always knew there was a possibility he could die, but I also knew that I had to stay in the place of hope (not denial), not that I didn’t feel anxious about it at times, or that it wasn’t always in the back of my mind, I just didn’t let anxiety bully me into ruminating on it. I had to make a conscious choice to not let my brain stay in that place of worry and fear.  When my husband actually did pass away, I didn’t spend one minute thinking “If only I had worried about it more, I wouldn’t be feeling this intense grief.”  Worrying or ruminating wouldn’t have helped me be more prepared, or have lessened my pain. It would have only kept me in that pain longer. Anxiety and worry don’t prevent outcomes. Let me say that again. ANXIETY AND WORRY DO NOT PREVENT OUTCOMES. 

I read an interview with Michael J. Fox years ago in which he said,



“I try not to worry about things because if that thing happens, then I’ve experienced it twice.”

That made so much sense to me. That’s why I say anxiety is a liar. It’s the brain telling you that the more you think, ruminate, spin, the more likely you will find an answer, be prepared or prevent an outcome from happening. Anxiety is a bully because it can be relentless in its pursuit of control of your thoughts.

Unfortunately, we are often fooled into a false sense of control when we have spent a lot of time worrying about various things that don't happen. It can feel like, “I worried, the bad thing didn’t happen, so worrying works.” It reminds me of what my dog trainer said about my dog, who barks at every person who passes by my house. She said that he thinks that because he barked, the person disappeared, so he keeps doing it. He thinks it worked. But the reality is, the person was going to disappear anyway. They were just passing by! Try not to let your brain bully you into being like my dog.


THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT WE HAVE WAYS OF CHANGING OUR BRAIN TO LOWER ITS REACTIVITY TO ANXIETY!


Completely getting rid of anxiety altogether is not our goal. For one, it’s not possible and for another, as I mentioned, anxiety serves a good purpose in the right circumstances. So our goal is to manage anxiety.  

Anxiety is manifested in the brain. And here’s the best news: We can change our brain!!  We do that by changing our thoughts. While we don’t have a choice about what pops into our head, we do have a choice about how much power or meaning we give to our thoughts and whether or not to believe them. Just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s true. 



So when you find yourself having a negative thoughts that are causing anxiety and worry, try these 3 things:

  1. Look for the evidence. Often we don’t have good evidence for what we are worrying about.    It’s usually based on fear, not facts. Remember: feelings are not facts!

  2. Reframe –take that negative thought and turn it into a positive. This changes your brain by making new, positive connections in the brain. Whenever we stay in our negative thoughts we are strengthening the negative connections. Dr. Pittman says, “What fires together, wires together”. When we are constantly sitting in negativity, we are wiring negativity into our brains. The more positive connections you make, “firing and wiring positivity”,  the less reactive your brain becomes to negativity and anxiety. You don’t even have to believe the positive reframe (you’ll get there if you practice). Functional MRIs have shown that just the act of saying something positive creates new connections and pathways in the brain.

  3. Ask yourself if this thought or worry is serving you. If it isn’t, then make a conscious decision to think about something else. You have that choice! You will have to continue to practice this over and over because, as I said, anxiety is a bully and a liar and will tell you that if you think about something enough, you will 1) avoid pain, 2) be prepared, and/or 3) prevent the thing you are worried about from happening, but it just isn’t true. 



I LIKE TO IMAGINE THAT THE BRAIN IS LIKE A TODDLER WHO KEEPS TRYING TO RUN OUT INTO THE DANGEROUS STREET, AND MUST CONSTANTLY BE REDIRECTED BACK TO SAFETY UNTIL THEY FINALLY LEARN NOT TO GO THERE.

Toddlers need repetition to learn. So does your brain. Your brain learns by doing.  Imagine your brain like that little toddler trying to go down a worry trail that isn’t good for them, and you wrap your arm around that toddler-brain, then direct them back to the trail of helpful thoughts. Be prepared to parent your brain often! It will pay off.


If you would like help managing anxiety, please reach out. I would love to help!

– Cherilyn

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7 Practical Ways to Overcome Anxiety

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Bravely Looking Inward