Overcoming Limiting Beliefs
by Cherilyn Schutze
MEd., LPC, CCATP, CGC, EMDR Trained, DNMS Trained
Have you ever found yourself wanting to achieve something, or make some change in your life, or try something new, but have been unable to?
This typically happens when we hold limiting beliefs or make rules for ourselves that hold us back. Limiting beliefs are thoughts or absolute truths that we believe to be fact and unchangeable. Limiting beliefs are just what they sound like— beliefs that prevent us from living our fullest lives.
Try this exercise:
Close one eye and make a circle with your fingers as if holding a telescope. Now look through that “telescope” with your open eye and notice what you see… You will see just what is directly in front of you.
Now, take your hand away and open both eyes. What do you see? You can see the whole picture now, both what’s in front of you, but also what is around you too!
This is how our limiting beliefs work. They create tunnel vision. When we are in a tunnel, it’s very difficult to see the light of day.
Our beliefs color how we look at ourselves and the world around us. They define our relationships, our passions, our choices, our perceptions and “what is good, bad, true, real and possible.”* They help us decide if we are going to take action and if so, how. Holding limiting beliefs keeps us stuck in negative thought patterns and rule making, preventing us from moving forward.
When working with clients with anxiety and/or low-self esteem, I find that there are usually self-made rules underneath the negative thoughts and feelings. Anxiety is protective. Rules are created from that protection, telling us that we can’t do something or that we only have one option. But remember, when anxiety is an adversary (see last month’s blog), that protection is not based on fact. Therefore, the rule that was created from anxiety is also not based on fact.
The truth is, if we make the rule for ourselves, then we have the option to change the rule! The key word is “option!” We do have options. We may not like all of our options, but when we recognize that we get to choose, it opens up possibilities and leads to more creative problem solving.
Self-made rules can lead to limiting beliefs. How can you tell what your limiting beliefs are? Take a moment to think about what you want to do or achieve but aren’t allowing yourself to explore. Are you rationalizing in order to not do that thing? Is fear holding you back? Ask yourself why you aren’t looking for a new job, asking someone out, or taking that trip. The why can lead to a host of new possibilities.
Limiting beliefs usually start with a negative statement such as
I can’t
I shouldn’t
I don’t
I’m not
I’ve tried but…
Pay attention to how you talk to yourself.
Do you find that you are subconsciously (or consciously) using these statements? Ask yourself how that belief is serving or has served you. Likely it was developed because of a negative experience or perception from your past. Notice if it is protecting you still, or holding you back– operating off of old information. This is where choice comes in. We get to decide if a thought or belief is helpful, meaningful or detrimental. Using curiosity without judgment, explore where that belief came from and how it is or isn’t serving you. Once you’ve recognized a limiting belief, reframe it. For example:
“I’m not good enough” becomes “I am good enough.”
“I’m not smart enough” becomes “I am smart enough.”
While affirmations have been satirized over the years, the truth is that there is research that proves reframing and affirming changes your brain. You may remember from my previous blogs that you don’t have to believe the reframe yet. You just have to say it. Reframing creates new pathways and connections in the brain, lowering the negative reactivity and creating more flexible thinking.
If your limiting belief is preventing you from trying something new or achieving a goal that you want but don’t believe you can attain, make a list of your options. You may be surprised at what your creative mind can come up with!
We ALWAYS have options. That doesn’t mean that we will like all of our options, but when we realize that we have them we can begin to feel empowered. When we feel empowered, we gain confidence to begin to step out of our comfort zone to try something new, do something differently, and expand our world.
Remember, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” (Wayne Dyer). If you would like help reframing your limiting beliefs, reach out today for a free consultation. Let’s change your view together!
*Psychology Today (Steve Sisgold)
